It's a weird fall. I've tried to start getting out and seeing people again. It was easier back before I settled in Philly. There was a requirement to be psuedo-social. Now it's too easy to just stay in. But staying in the house with my roommate isn't going to satisfy my needs. So I went out for a run, I had my earbuds in and while I made my way through the local park, the music sorta faded into the background.

Then a song I hadn't heard in a long time came on and I was suddenly having flashbacks to some of the wild times I'd had. Things that I loved, but haven't thought about in a long time. The song took me right back to on of my first threesome and the wild shit I did that night. I can still remember the weird pain/pleasure mix to this day. And thinking about it more makes me crave it again.

I don't want some oral threesome shit. I need to be fucking destroyed.

Ok, so here’s the deal. When I was a kid, I only wanted two things, to live my life on a ship, and to be normal. I got half that wish, now three and a half years after coming back to land, I’m pretty happy about what I did. But that want to be normal died early at while in Maryland... My eyes were opened to a whole new desire... I gave up fighting and just wanted... wanted the flesh all around me, almost like a challenge, how many guys can I fuck each year kinda thing... I did pretty well... now though I find my want for flesh changing again. 9 times out of 10 I wanted to fuck the guy senseless... now it’s fifty fifty about whether I want to fuck him or I wand him to pound me int the mattress....

But there’s more to it now. About 10 months ago, my best friend came stateside and finished up. He asked if he could stay here in Philly for a w. A while turned into six months, turned into 10… all that’s fine, he’s paying practically half my mortgage. But when I come down the stairs and he’s sitting on the sofa playing some game or watching something on tv, he’s always in athletic shorts and all I can think about is slipping my hand up them and getting him good and hard… ugh…