It’s been very difficult for me. I am a gay man and have always known it since I was very young. Way before I understood my gay urges it’s all I ever fantasied about, playing with and sucking cocks. I mean really young. As a child with no clue in elementary school. It was puzzling that I loved playing with my cock and loved looking at it really made me want to suck a cock. Unexplainable as I always kept it to myself because I thought I was weird. All of my friends talked about girls and I played along like I was interested in girls too. When truthfully, I wanted to see other guys cocks. I saw a few in gym dressing rooms and could not not look. I was always too scared to say anything to male friends that I wanted to see their cocks and play with them. Nobody seemed interested enough for me to make a move to even talk about it. So, I always kept it to myself. I went along to get along and even had girlfriends even though all I really wanted was to play with another cock, lick and suck on the shaft and head, lick and suck on those beautiful balls and explore around below all the way back up licking and kissing the stomach and sucking on those nipples up to the neck and back down to finish what I started.
I was not attracted to girls, yet I continued to act like I was. But, In private, I would masturbate fantasizing about having sex with a guy. All before I knew anything about anything. The first time I shot off I wanted that cum in my mouth. I didn’t know why, I just ate my cum and loved it. I looked forward to it and did everything I could to get my cum in my mouth as often as possible.
I really wanted to share all my fantasies with another guy but never had a prospect at all. I never had one conversation with anyone about anything sexual. I just naturally wanted cock and cum. Later as my friends would talk about fucking girls and I played along like I wanted that too. Through all the years I had girlfriends and even got married to a wonderful lady. But, nothing ever changed my desires to have sex with a man. As a matter of fact, it made me want it even more. I never stopped masturbating privately and fantasizing my true desires of sharing it all with a man. As I’ve gotten older the desires are stronger than ever.
I used to see this guy in the gym locker room several times a week and I wanted his beautiful cock so bad it drove me crazy. Never happened. As I started looking around at pictures of cocks on the internet it made me realize it’s not just a fantasy. I truly am so attracted to cocks it makes me feel like nothing else just looking at pictures. Then, watching gay porn made me realize that I have been missing out on all of my true desires. What was a cock fantasy is now a desire for the full experience. I want it all, to be versatile and to please another man in every way. All or nothing is what I want. To satisfy and be satisfied in every way. Early on I never thought I would want to kiss a man. All of that has changed as I grow and realize that it is all part of the full desire. Kissing a man deeply has to be one of the most sensual acts for foreplay and during sex and especially sharing cum kisses.
But, it’s not just the sex, though that is undeniable, I want a full relationship with the right guy. To share, support, love and be loved. To experiment with fully to find what we love together and do it over and over again to be the best we can be. I’m going to be very good at it because I know what I want. Though I’ve never had sex with a man, I feel like I have. In my mind I am experienced. Lol.
I am single now and never want to go back in to a relationship with a female again. It’s kinda strange to say with zero experience physically with another male, I know I am gay. I always have been. Some may say I’m bi because of my past, but that is in the past. Even while having sex with women I alway fantasized that I was with a man. It seemed to keep me horny to be able to continue. Women are beautiful in a lot of ways, but nothing gets my motor running like a beautiful cock and the deep desire of knowing that it’s all I’ve ever wanted.
It is time to finally be who I am. A gay man. But, it’s been very difficult for me to live as if I am straight. I act straight in public in all of my business relationships and not interested in changing that. I’m not going to shout from a mountain top or walk in a parade, it’s no my style. People will figure it out on their own if I am spending all of my time with a man, that is fine. Hopefully I can find someone that feels the same as I do and wants to share in a meaningful relationship. I look forward to sharing with you that my life long desires are being fully satisfied. Soon… Though I’m not sure how to find that partner? Yes, I am glad I’m gay…
After reading this, what are your thoughts? Can I say I am gay without ever having a physical relationship to seal the deal? Sorry for the long wordy post, and it may be redundant from some of my other posts, but I felt it was necessary to clarify.