I suppose it's because I was incredibly shy as a boy, never wanting to be seen in pajamas, much less undies or naked, that I experimented so little as a boy. My sexual awakening came in bits and pieces but the memories of those few, scattered incidents are SO powerful. I often find myself thinking about them or writing about them (like now). So, I masturbate to memories - my brother going around naked and erect at 13 and forcing me (at 10 1/2 or 11) to do the same (minus the erections and pubic hair - too early); tentative experiments with a friend at 13; my first sight of a naked girl (I was 14, she was the 11-year-old sister of a friend); one incident with my best friend in HS (we were both 17 or 1
. These sorts of memories both drive me and shame me.
I don't think adults should be thinking about young people. But, on the other hand, these ARE my memories, and they took place when I was young, as well. And being my earliest forays into sexuality, I believe, made them even stronger. It took me years to get past my shame and realize that memories don't hurt the subjects of those memories. And any excitement I felt during those moments was perfectly normal and natural. I believe, ultimately, as long as you keep what's in your head safely in your head, that's your business.